Shit Shoes
Serious misjudgment is happening right this second. It's alarming really. A proper pandemic.
Men who've made and continue to make poor decisions with their footwear. And I mean POOR.
What's worse is that these chaps have nearly everything else in good shape: well proportioned, wool-blend suits in darkest, inky blue; well considered hair cuts; watches equal to a few months mortgage payment and, on the whole, a lot more; quiet accessories where subtly needed.
W O N D E R F U L. I see the affects of the modern, dapper gentlemen have rubbed off. Good game.
Sadly, eyes are then met, as you gaze downwards, with sometimes monstrous, ugly foot smugglers claiming to be shoes. They are not. They make me gravely question everything in life. Please tell me where on this journey of evolution man has taken such a side step, because clearly, this is devolution.
Good shoes are the building blocks for the rest of your wardrobe and with diligence, a smart pair will last a lifetime. So when, after forking out hundreds of pounds on a reputable suit, keen for the shoulders to fit well and divots to pronounce handsomely, with double vents in the jacket, two buttoned, no puddling in the trouser, no high-shine synthetic, no crumpling, no sagging, rah rah rah, does it become logical to scrimp on the shoes? Because instantly the magic is lost. All prior effort is demolished. Bulldozed. Like the moment the clock strikes midnight and Cinderella's left bereft and tattered and the fairy godmother smirks in her armchair over a glass of sherry.
The worst offenders are tanned leather shoes, or even more sinister, pleather shoes with a point. An Olly Murs point. A school prom point. Pete Doherty point. Very much like a Leprechaun in some cases. Either with a PVC shine or dull, soggy paper bag effect. No in between.
An unromantic description that I'm loyal to: Cornish pasty shoes . "What you've done there, dear fellow, is scoop the contents of an egg-washed chicken and mushroom out, slipped your feet in and gone on your way". And the longevity of these pasty shoes is similar to that promised by Greggs as well.
Best, really, to stick with footwear still coveted today as it was 100 years ago.
Oxfords, for example, are the vanilla of the shoe cupboard. A good vanilla at that - not a 99p (£2.60) Mr Whippy. They are an everyday hero. The City boy's friend.
Brogues smartly enhance most get-ups. In recent years, they've had everything thrown at them, from neon bands to double-height rubber soles. They're adaptable and capable, but originals will never succumb to the pitfalls of fashion.
Loafers whisper tales of Sicilian summers, give you a bristly kiss on both cheeks and cherish your face with palms scented by lemons (though origins stem from Britain, which kills it, non?).
Black, dark brown, and navy are ever-reliant across the board. But for warmer months, off-white and pastels can give you a few month's glory.
Please resist shoes sub the £40 mark, unless you know what you're doing. It may feel unsettling handing over slightly more than comfortable for shoes you'll expose to the elements everyday, but it's for this reason that you should.
You can't put a foot wrong with this bunch:
Basic Approach To Style
